Sheep s Eyes
Everyone knows they eat sheep's eyes in Klatch, but no one reports actually seeing them doin' it.* I call this suspicious. Oh, yes, they offer them to guests. I bet if I lived in a desert I'd do anything for a laugh, too. This recipe is, er, restored. That is, it's a complete fake. But it's a lot more edible.
eyeball-sized pickled onions (as many as you wish to make)
stuffed green olives tube of cream cheese
CAREFULLY REMOVE THE inside of each onion, taking care to leave the outer skins intact except for a hole at either end. (Note: one of the holes must be big enough to have an olive pushed through it.) Half fill the skin with cream cheese and then insert an olive, making sure that the stuffing is visible . . . some of the cheese should squirt out of the other end, making a 'tail'. If it doesn't, squirt in more until it does!
Rmcemnd's Potato Cakes
Note from the editors: We confess to some difficulty in getting a recipe out of Rincewind, one of Unseen University's best-known wizards. It involved a considerable amount of travel, much of it at high speed, since Rincewind's major talent is to run away from anything that is frightening and this, when you come to think of it, is a pretty good definition of the universe.
The original suggestion, shouted over his shoulder, was 'Potatoes! Lots of potatoes! In their jackets! In great big baths of butter!'
This seemed to us to be too close to the Librarian's recipe (see page 80), although it uses a vegetable rather than a fruit (except that the potato is technically a nut). However, we understand that Rincewind has been so long away from the one thing that makes life worthwhile (potatoes) that he will eat anything if it has a potato in it.
MAKES 6-8
1 onion, chopped
35 Og potatoes, cooked and mashed
1 teaspoon sage
1 or 2 eggs, beaten
lOOg white breadcrumbs, dried
sunflower oil
Fry the onion in a little oil until softened. Stir into the mashed potato with the sage and allow the mixture to cool. Then form the mixture into patties, about the size and shape of small, thick beefburgers. Brush the patties with the beaten egg and then turn them in a bowl containing the breadcrumbs. Heat some more oil in a frying pan and fry the potato cakes until they are golden brown. They are quite delicious and can be eaten on the run.
Bread and Water
(Kindly donated by Lord Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork)
3 whole, freshly baked loaves 1 flagon freshly drawn water
HOWEVER EFFICIENT A ruler may be, there is always someone, isn't there, who feels that his diet might be improved by some artificial additive, such as arsenic. Many rulers have sought ways to avoid this. This is one classical method: Have sufficient dough made to make three loaves of bread. Bake the resulting loaves in an oven. Both these operations should be supervised by at least two reliable employees.
Select one of the three loaves (the other two must be eaten by the baker). Slice it. Select slices at random and have these tested in your presence by members of the Palace staff (or members of your family if you are not fortunate enough to live in a palace). From the remaining slices select one; place this on a plate selected at random from the kitchens. Have the remaining plates licked by the kitchen staff; pause to observe any negative reactions to this operation, or to the earlier slice-testing.
In the meantime, have a bucket of water drawn from the well. Have this boiled, poured into a flagon and cooled. From this flagon pour four glasses of water. Select three at random and have them drunk by different members of the Palace staff from those who are testing the bread/plates.
You might now believe that you have a glass of water and some slices of bread that are free of poison, in which case you have failed to grasp the situation. There are such things as antidotes, which even a trainee poisoner will have taken as a precautionary measure. And then of course there was the case of Lord Samphire: the bread passed the test, and so did the water. The problem came to light only if you ate the bread and then drank the water.
Here is my preferred method, which has stood me in good stead.
1 Arrange the politics of the country over a period of years so that poisoning you will be more trouble than it is worth and interfere with the private ambitions of too many people just at the moment.
2 Make sure that there are among the city's civil service some unpredictable men who will consider your poisoning a personal insult against them, and generally cause a lot of fuss.
3 Then eat what you please.
Mrs Gogol's Clairvoyant Gumbo
Gumbo is one of those dishes, like stew, where it's ridiculous to have a recipe. You just make it. And you can prob'ly make gumbo of a sort by simply dredging a swamp and boilin' up everything that tries to climb out of the net. But it won't be anything like Mrs Gogol's gumbo. Mrs Gogol* is a witch over in the swamps around Genua, where the magic's more into stickin' pins in people and turnin' people into zombies, and there's prob'ly some magic in the cookery, too.
Mrs Gogol says she can see the future in her gumbo. You need the knack. But the future you'll see in this one contains a good dinner at least.
SERVES 6
3 tablespoons olive oil 3 heaped tablespoons flour (for the roux) 2 large (or 3 small) celery stalks, trimmed and finely chopped I small green pepper, seeded and chopped
1 small red onion, chopped 2—3 heaped tablespoons Genuan
spice mix (see page 53) 470ml fish stock (or chicken, or veg) 400g tin chopped tomatoes 10—12 pieces okra, chopped
1 tablespoon dried basil
1 tablespoon dried oregano
1 tablespoon dned parsley
salt
8—10 drops hot pepper sauce
I2 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
100ml bourbon (or whisky mil do) meat from 1 large prepared crab (or 4 small whole ones) 600g ready-peeled prawns (or 65 Og in shells)
HEAT THE OIL in a saucepan and stir in the flour. Cook for about 5 minutes (medium heat), stirring, until it turns golden brown. Add the celery, pepper and onion and fry until softened. Add the Genuan spice mix and stir for another minute. Pour in the stock, stir well to ensure there are no lumps and then add the remaining ingredients except the crab and prawns. Leave to simmer, stirring occasionally, for 20 minutes. Add the crab meat and prawns, turn the heat up and bring to boiling point, then turn back down to medium and cook for a further 8-10 minutes (10-15 minutes if using crabs/prawns in shells). Serve with rice.
Note: The Genuan spice mix and hot pepper sauce will make a hot gumbo. Use less if you're not used to spicy food.
Neki recepati iz NANNY OGG'S COOKBOOK