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(Razno, Humor) With great power...

chuck.

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Алберт Ајнштајн и Нилс Бор једног дана били су на излету кад наиђоше на медведа. Алберт сместа поче да изува чизме и навлачи на ноге патике за трчање.

"Алберте, али шта радиш, забога?!" узвикнуо је изненађени Бор. "Па свакако нећеш бити бржи од медведа!"

Ајнштајн је одговорио: "Не, Нилс, не треба да будем бржи од медведа. Довољно ће бити да будем бржи од тебе... "
 

geja

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447
Razbolele se farmeru kokoške. Pošto veterinar nije utvrdio o čemu se radi, farmer je pozvao naučnike: hemičara, biologa i fizičara.

Prvo hemičar počne da ispituje hemijski sastav krvi, međutim ne nađe ništa.
Zatim biolog uzme uzorke tkiva, ali ne prođe ništa bolje.

Dođe fizičar, nađe jedan kamen u dvorištu, sedne na njega i ćuti. Posle pola sata počne nešto brzo da piše i uskoro vikne: "Imam rešenje! Međutim ono se može primeniti samo na sferične kokoške u vakuumu." :zcepanje:
 

chuck.

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Па кад сам мого нисам мого, а сад могу па не могу.
Da, dobra fora... ipak, ja je nisam razumeo... :confused:. Ko zna, mozda je to definicija Vujadinove teorije relativnosti...

Dobro ljudi, galet se pokazao dosad kao najduhovitiji covek na forumu, i prava je steta sto ova tema "protice" bez njega. Stekao sam utisak da voli da zbija sale, a jos uvek nije dao svoj doprinos ovoj temi. O cemu se radi?

-
 
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vujadin

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Da, dobra fora... ipak, ja je nisam razumeo... :confused:. Ko zna, mozda je to definicija Vujadinove teorije relativnosti...

Dobro ljudi, galet se pokazao dosad kao najduhovitiji covek na forumu, i prava je steta sto ova tema "protice" bez njega. Stekao sam utisak da voli da zbija sale, a jos uvek nije dao svoj doprinos ovoj temi. O cemu se radi?

-
Па није чудно ншто ниси разумео. Сад су времена друкчија него кад сам ја био млад.
Сад би то значило; кад сам мого могло се, а и сад се може ал` не могу.
 

fantom piroman

Iskusan
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5.831
Razbolele se farmeru kokoške. Pošto veterinar nije utvrdio o čemu se radi, farmer je pozvao naučnike: hemičara, biologa i fizičara.

Prvo hemičar počne da ispituje hemijski sastav krvi, međutim ne nađe ništa.
Zatim biolog uzme uzorke tkiva, ali ne prođe ništa bolje.

Dođe fizičar, nađe jedan kamen u dvorištu, sedne na njega i ćuti. Posle pola sata počne nešto brzo da piše i uskoro vikne: "Imam rešenje! Međutim ono se može primeniti samo na sferične kokoške u vakuumu." :zcepanje:
Igrali Arhimed, Njutn i Paskal žmurke. Arhimed žmuri, a Paskal i Njutn se kriju. Paskal se sakrije, a Njutn odmakne par koraka od Arhimeda, nacrta kvadrat na zemlji pa stane u njega. Arhimed izbroji:

- Devedeset pet... Sto... Polazim! Aha, Njutn!

A Njutn će:

- Ne, ovo je Njutn po metru kvadratnom, dakle Paskal.
Genijalno ^^
 

melok.may

Obećava
Poruka
52
The sayings and pick-up lines that'll keep those scientists coming back for
more:

"I'm really digging your phenotype."

"I'll translate you... all the way from 5' to 3'"

"Wanna see where my meiosis takes place?'

"If I could be any enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your
genes."

"You just made me cross the action potential threshold... "

"Gosh, you really build my turgor pressure"

"My heart lub-dubs for you."

"I'd bind to your active site."

"You must be in the middle of cytokinesis cause you have some great
cleavage."

"I wish I was RNA, so I could have U"

"I think we should use an re-uptake inhibitor... "

"We can do it in the alpha or beta configuration, whichever you prefer."

"I see the evolutionary biologists never saw you before they claimed the Y
chromosome was shrinking... "

"How 'bout we go back to my place and get all Mendelian?"

"You wanna make an F1 with me?"

"Bet we can get a good hybrid vigor between the two of us."

"Are u auxin?, cuz u are making my cells elongate."

"My ribosome will read you mRNA any day."

"Why don't we go back to my place so I can elucidate the big bang theory for
you."

"Is it true that biologists prefer to do it in their genes?"

"Can I wet mount you to my slide to take a closer look? I want to make
observations on all your parts!"

"You're so hot you denature my proteins."
 

starolecanin

Primećen član
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852
Stari godri fazon...
Vozili se masinac, elektronicar i programer u autu, i desi se da auto crkne. Masinac izadje napolje pocne da se vrti oko motora, gleda zagleda i nista. Elektronicar se uhvati zica, ima-nema prekid i nenadje nista. Kada programer: "A da mi zatvorimo sve prozore, izadjemo napolje i udjemo!" :)
 

melok.may

Obećava
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52
The Physicist, upon seeing all the waves, gets very excited and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Marine Biologist, aware of tremendous variety of marine life in the ocean, also gets very excited, and runs into the water, disappearing.
The Chemist pulls out her notebook, and writes "The Physicist and the Marine Biologist are soluble in water"

Q: While walking into a lab, how does one know which lab is it?...
A: -If it's green and wabbles - it's a biology lab.
- If it's stink - it's a chemistry lab
- And if it doesn't work - it's a physics lab...

Q: What happened to the molecular biologist who swallowed a beaker full of restriction endonucleases?
A:He came to a sticky end...

Chemistry is killing me: anytime I do a Diels-Alder reaction, I think I'm diene.

Did you hear about the biologist who had twins? She baptized one and kept the other as a control!

Q: Why don't catholics pray for forgiveness when sitting down?
A: Because there's no syn elimination in the chair conformation!

Q: What did the receiver say to the radio wave?
A: Ow! That megahertz.

Q: What does a sperm do when he meets the egg of his dreams ?
A: He looses his head !

Q: What is the difference between a Quantum Theorist and a Beauty
Therapist?
A: The Quantum Theorist uses Planck's Constant as a foundation,
whereas the Beauty Therapist uses Max Factor.

The highest educational degree is actually quite basic. I mean, come on. It's pH D.

The Name's Bond, Ionic Bond... taken, not shared

A small furry animal walks into a bar, orders a drink. Bartender looks at him, says "Sorry, the occupancy is 6.03x10^23. We cannot serve a mole."

Around the holidays a favorite carol around the lab is, "Oh chemis-tree, oh chemis-tree"

Q:Why does e^x hate going to parties?
A:Because no matter how hard he tries, he always fails to integrate
 
Poslednja izmena:

melok.may

Obećava
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52
Famous last words

Nuclear physicist: See, cold fusion does not work.
Nuclear physisist: What was the critical mass, exactly?
Physisist: And now we reach absolute zero.
Astronomer: That asteroid won't hit the Earth.
Chemist: And now the tasting test.
Chemist: And now a little bit from this...
Chemist: And now shake it a bit.
Chemist: Why is there no label on this bottle?
Chemist: In which glass was my mineral water?
Chemist: Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?
Chemist: First the acid, then the water...
Chemist: Oh no, wrong beaker...
Microbiologist: These bacteria cannot live outside the substrate.
Field biologist: They never attack humans.

Murphy's Ten Laws for String Theorists:

(1) If you fix a mistake in a mathematical superstring calculation, another one will show up somewhere else.
(2) If your results are based on the work of others, then one such work will turn out to be wrong. (3) The longer your article, the more likely your computer hard disk drive will fail while you are typing the references.
(4) The better your research result, the more likely it will be rejected by the referee of a journal; on the other hand, if your work is wrong but not obviously so, it will be accepted for publication right away.
(5) If a result seems to good to be true, it is unless you are one of the top ten string theorists in the world. (By the way, these theorists refer to their results as "string miracles".)
(6) Your most startling string-theoretic theorem will turn out to be valid in only two spatial dimensions or less.
(7) When giving a string seminar, nobody will follow anything you say after the first minute, but, if miraculously someone does, then that person will point out a flaw in your reasoning half-way through your talk and what will be worse is that your grant review officer will happen to be in the audience.
(8) For years, nobody will ever notice the fudge factors in your calculations, but when you come up for tenure they will surface like fish being tossed fresh breadcrumbs.
(9) If you are a graduate student working on string theory, then the field will be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.; Even worse, if you start over with a new thesis topic, the new field will also be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.
(10) If you discover an interesting string model, then it will predict at least one low-energy, observable particle not seen in Nature.

In summary, anything in string theory that theoretically can go wrong will go wrong, but if nothing does go theoretically wrong, then experimentally it is ruled out.

Ten little known facts about relativity:

(1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
(2) Energy equals milk chocolate square (attributed to Albert E. Hersey)
(3) Delivery of Christmas gifts by Santa to the children of the world is now accomplished by riding Rudolf the red-shift reindeer.
(4) The general relativity theory of gravitation is responsible for people falling in love.
(5) The speed of an IRS tax refund is constant.
(6) Anger is neither created nor conserved but only changed from one form to another.
(7) The speed of time is one second per second, which is also called the fundamental unity.
(8) Death and taxes are the same for all constantly moving observers.
(9) Moving midgets are shortened.
(10) Divorce and alimony are equivalent but the latter is multiplied by an enormous factor.

Question: What is "IT"?

Geologists do IT on the ground.
Astronomers do IT all night.
Chemists do IT by bonding.
Chemists also do IT on a table, periodically.
Newton did IT with force.
Eighteenth century physicists did IT with rigid bodies.
Maxwell did IT with magnetism.
Analytical Chemists do it with precision and accuracy.
Volta did IT with a jolt.
Watt did IT with power.
Joule did IT with energy.
Ohm did IT with resistance.
Pascal did IT under pressure.
Hooke did IT using springs.
Coulomb got all charged up about IT.
Hertz did IT frequently.
Boltzmann did IT in heat.
Ampere let IT flow.
For Franklin , IT was an electrifying experience.
Edison claims to have invented IT.
When Richter did IT, the Earth shook.
For Darwin , IT was natural.
Freud did IT in his sleep.
Mendel studied the consequences of IT.
When Wegener did IT, continents moved.
Classical physicists do IT in perfectly uniform harmonic motion.
Heisenberg was never sure whether he even did IT.
Bohr did IT in an excited state.
Pauli did IT but excluded his friends.
Schrödinger did IT in waves.
Bose did IT with partners.
Einstein did IT on a curved surface.
Oort did IT in a cloud.
Hubble did IT in the dark.
Watson and Crick got all wound up about IT.
Cosmologists do IT in a big bang.
Theorists do IT on paper.
Wigner did IT in a group.
Richter and Ting did IT with charm.
Astrophysicists do IT with young starlets.
Planetary scientists do IT with Uranus.
Electron microscopists do IT 100,000 times.
Feynman did IT in fields.
Hawking wrote a brief history of IT.
And super symmetric theorists do IT with sleptons.
Soil chemists do IT dirty.

Answer: IT = science, of course.
 

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