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[Rusalka]

 

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[Miss032_where2]

Look officer I'm not being a smartass, but all I'm saying is that if u caught me, then you were speeding too!

For Halloween I'm just gonna dress up as a bride,stand next to random guys and whisper "this feels right",and scare the **** outta all of em.

Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly "You can see me?"


I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid.

What if facebook automatically updated what ppl were doing?? "John Smith is masturbating in his room"

Sorry, your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies

Teacher: Give me a sentence that starts with I. Student: I is - Teacher: No, always say I am. Student: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing for decades, how did I manage to **** that up?

Me: I got my first speeding ticket today Friend: what for? Me: murder, I got it for murder.

Ever since my imaginary friend started seeing an imaginary psychologist, he thinks I don't exist

If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board.

God must be a woman: Always wants you to apologize, even if you have no idea what you did.

I know animals can sense danger, because the cat hid behind the couch seconds before my girlfriend asked "Honey, you think I need to diet?"

Teacher: Why are you late? Kid: Class started before I got here

I'm surprised Cinderella ended the way it did....because I've seen some women go batshit crazy when they've lost a shoe.

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony...but if they lie to us it's politics?

 

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[BRITNEY 3]

 

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[Moonchild86]

 

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