Lana Del Rey

"Never To Heaven"

May my eyes always stay level to the horizon
May they never gaze as high as heaven, to ask why
May I never go where angels fear to tread
So as to have to ask for answers in the sky
The whys in this lifetime I've found are inconsequential
Compared to the magic of the nowness - the solution to most questions
There are no reasons

And if there are - I'm wrong
But at least I won't have spent my life waiting
Looking for God in the clouds of the dawn

I'll be up early to rise though of course
But only to make you a pot of coffee

That's what I was thinking this morning Joe
That it's times like this as the marine layer lifts
Off the sea from the view of our favorite restaurant
That I pray that I may
Always keep my eyes level to your eyeline
Never downcast at the table cloth

You see, Joe
It's times like this that the marine layer lifts
Off the sea on the dock with out candle lit
That I think to myself
There are things you still don't know about me
Like sometimes I'm afraid my sadness is too big
And that one day you might have to help me handle it

But until then
May my eyes always stay level to the skyline
Assessing Long Beach's glittering new development
Never higher than the tallest building
Never to heaven or revenant
'Cause I have faith in man as strange as that seems
In times like these
And it's not just because of the warmth I've found in your
Brown eyes
It's because I believe in the goodness in me
That it's firm enough to plant a flag in
Or a
Rosebud
Or to build a new life
 
"SportCruiser"

I took a flying lesson on my 33rd birthday, instead of calling you
Or parking on the block where our old place used to be

Genesee, genesee, genesee

Pathetic, I know - but sometimes I still like to park on that street,
And have lunch in the car just to feel close to you

I was once in love with my life here,
In that studio apartment with you
Little yellow flowers on the tops of trees as our only view,
Out of the only window,
Big enough for me to see our future through
But it turned out I was the only one who could see it

Stupid apartment complex
Terrible you
You, who I wait for
You, you, you
Like a broken record stuck on loop

So that day, on my birthday, I thought
"Something has to change"
You can't always be about waiting for you

Don't tell anyone, but part of my reasoning for taking the flight class, was this idea that if I could become my own navigator
The captain of the sky,
That perhaps I could stop looking for direction
From you

Well, what started off as an idea on a whim,
Has turned into something more
Too shy to explain to the owners that my first lesson was just a one-time thing
I've continued to go to classes each week
At the precious little strip off Santa Monica and Bundy

And everything was going fine
We were starting with dips and loops
And then something terrible happened

During my fourth lesson in the sky
My instructor, younger than I, but as tough as you
Instructed me to do a simple maneuverer
It's not that I didn't do it,
But I was slow to lean the sports cruiser into a right hand upward turn
Scared, scared that I would lose control of the plane

Not tactfully and not gently
The instructor shook his head, and without looking at me said
"You don't trust yourself"

I was horrified
Feeling as though I'd somehow been found out
Like he knew me
How weak I was
Of course, he was only talking about my ability as a pilot in the sky
But I knew it was meant for me to hear those words

For me, they held a deeper meaning
I didn't trust myself

Not just 25,000 feet above the coast of Malibu
But with anything
And I didn't trust you

I could've said something but I was quiet
Because pilots aren't like poets
They don't make metaphors between life and the sky

In the midst of this mid-life, meltdown, navigational exercise in self-examination,
I also decided to do something else I always wanted to do.
Take sailing lessons in the vibrant bay of Marina del Ray
I signed up for the class as "Elizabeth Grant",
And nobody blinked an eye

So, why was I so sure that when I walked into the tiny shack on Valley Way, someone would say
"You're not a captain of a ship, or a master of the sky!"
No, the fisherman didn't care, and so neither did I

And for a brief moment, I felt more myself than ever before

Letting the self proclaimed drunkard captain's lessons wash over me like the foamy tops of the sea

Midway through my forehead burned,
And my hands raw from driving
The captain told me the most important thing I'd need to know on the sea

"Never run the ship into irons"
That's nautical terms for not sailing the boat directly into the wind

In order to do that though, you have to know where the wind is coming from

And you might not have time to look up to the mast,
Or up further to the weathervane
So you have to feel where the wind is coming from
On your cheeks, and by the tips of the white waves from which direction they're rolling

To do this, he gave me an exercise
He told me to close my eyes, and asked me to feel on my neck which way the wind was blowing
I already knew I was going to get it wrong
"The wind is coming from everywhere, I feel it all over" I told him
"No", he said "the wind is coming from the left. The portside"
I sat waiting for him to tell me "You don't trust yourself"

But he didn't, so I said it for him
"I don't trust myself"

He laughed gentler than the pilot, but still not realising that my failure in the exercise was hitting me at a much deeper lever

"It's not that you don't trust yourself" he said. "it's simply that you're not a captain. It isn't what you do"

Then he told me he wanted me to practise everyday so I would get better

"Which grocery store do you go to?" he asked
"To the Ralphs in the Palisades" I replied

"Okay. When you're in the Ralphs in the Palisades,
I want you, as you're walking from your car to the store,
To close your eyes, and feel which way the wind is blowing
Now, I don't want you to look like a crazy person crouching in the middle of the parking lot,
But everywhere you go,
I want you to try and find which way the wind is coming in from
And then, determine if it's from the port or starboard side,
So when you're back on the boat you have a better sense of it"

I thought his advice was adorable
I could already picture myself in the parking lot,
Squinting my eyes with perfect housewives looking on

I could picture myself growing a better sense of which way the wind was blowing
And as I did, a tiny bit of deeper trust also began to grow within myself
I thought of mentioning it,
But I didn't
Because captain's aren't like poets
They don't make metaphors between sea and sky

And as I thought that to myself,
I realized
That's why I write

All this circumnavigating the earth,
Was to get back to my life
Six trips to the moon for my poetry to arise

I'm not a captain,
I'm not a pilot
I write!
I write
 
"Tessa DiPietro"

No one ever touched me without wanting to kill me
Except for a healer on 6th street in Ridgely
Tessa DiPietro,
Recommended casually by a medium I no longer know

She said my number one problem was that my field was untrusting
When asked what to do, she paused and said "Nothing"
Which sent me right into uncontrollable sobbing

Because there's never anything you can do about the important things

She said "Okay, one thing you can do is picture the floor rising up to support you,
And sink into the back of the bed that's behind you
Too much of your energy is in front and above you"

Which, for some reason, made me think of a live show I'd seen
Jim Morrison at the Hollywood Bowl, 1968, check date

The blue trellis lights gave him an unusual aura
Like a halo or something
Made him 8 feet or taller

I remember just thinking he looked out of his body
But definitely like a god on stage

So I told her "Maybe an artist has to function a little bit above themselves,
If they really want to transmit some heaven"

And she told me
"A singleness of focus is the key to transmission,
For an emphasis on developing inner intuition,
Close your eyes and feel where you hold your attention

If it's in the back of your eyes
Walk it down to your heart's centre
And make that the new place from which your thoughts enter

Clairvoyance comes mostly from this simple function
Oh - and Jim died at 27
So find another frame of reference
When you're referencing heaven

And have you ever read the lyrics to 'People are Strange'?
He made no sense!"
 
"Quiet Waiter Blue Forever"

You move like water sweet baby sweet waiter
Making the night smile to no one you cater
Silent wood worker from midnight till later
My lover my laughter my armor my maker
The way that I feel with you is something like aching
Inside of my stomach the cosmos are baking
A universe hung like a mobile
The alignment of these planets unique
In me the earth moves around the sun
No land all sea
Water world
Sun chaser
Tropic of cancer
Southern equater
I'm the crying crustacean
Sunbathing on paper
Moon
Let's rewrite the beginning of this primordial ooze
Shall we my love
Am I being brazen for saying this year makes me feel
Like we could've wrote it better
Than him?
But who am I
Just a girl in love dreaming on paper
Rearranging the salt for the pepper
In love with you
My quiet waiter
Summer
Blue
Forever
Call me when you're done with work
I'll pick you up later
The darker the better
 
"What Happened When I Left You"

Perfect petals punctuate the fabrics yellow blue
Silver platters with strawberries strewn across the room

In Zimmerman with sandals on one summer dress to choose

Three girls
Eyes rolled
Loud laughter
Dust specs lit by afternoon

My life is sweet like lemonade now there's no bitter fruit
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
No thought of you

My thoughts have changed
My voice is higher
Now I'm over you

No flickering in my head movies
Projected in Bellevue

Because I captured the mood of my wish fulfilled
And sailed to Xanadu

The grief that came in waves that rolled I navigated through

The fire from my wish as wind to future trip to Malibu

Now everything I have is perfect
Nothing much to do

Just perfect florals
Green embroidered chairs
One dress to choose
 
"Happy"

You thought I was rich
And I am but not how you think
I live in a tudor house
Under the freeway in Mar Vista by the beach
When you call I take my phone to the picnic table
That I bought from the Rose Bowl
And I listen to the rushing cars above
And I think about the last time you visited me
The last time we made love
How the noise got louder and louder during rush hour
And it felt like the ocean was the sky
And that I was flying because you were two feet taller than me
Until you took me in your arms
And I could touch the stars
And they all fell down around my head
And I became an angel
And you put me to bed
Happy

People think that I'm rich and I am but not how they think
I have a truck with a gold key chain in the ignition
And on the back it says: happy joyous and free
Happy
And when I drive
I think about the last time my friends were driving with me
How the radio was so loud that I couldn't hear the words
So we became the music
Happy

They write that I'm rich and I am but not how they think
I have a safe I call the boyfriend box
And in it every saved receipt
Every movie theater ticket just to remind me
Of all the things I've loved and lost and loved again
Unconditionally
Happy

You joke that I'm rich and I am but not how you think
I live in a tudor house under the freeway
Off of Rose Avenue 12 blocks from the beach
And when you call I put your sweater on
And put you on speaker
And chat for hours underneath the trees
And think about the last time you were here lying next to me
How the noise from the cars got louder and louder
During rush hour
Until it sounded like a river or a stream
And it felt like we were swimming
But it wasn't just a dream
We were just

Happy
 
"My Bedroom Is A Sacred Place Now – There Are Children At The Foot Of My Bed"

Last year, when I wrote you my last letter
The beginning of my future poetry
I acknowledged who you really were for the first time

I didn't call you by any other name
I let you know that I knew the true nature of your heart
That it was evil, and that it convinced me that darkness was real
That the devil is a real devil
And that monsters don't always know that they're monsters

But projection is an amazing thing
After you left and burnt the house down
You tried to convince me that it was I who was holding the matches
You told me that I didn't know who I was, but I do

I love rose gardens
I plant violets every time someone leaves me
I love the great sequoias of Yosemite
And if you asked my sister to describe the first thing she thinks of when she thinks of me
She would say "camp fire smoke"

I'm gentle
I'm funny when I'm drunk
But I haven't been drunk for 14 years
I go on trips with my friends to the beach who don't know that I'm crazy
I can do that
I can do anything
Even leave you

Because my bedroom is a sacred place now that there are children at the end of my bed
Telling me stories about the friends that they pretend to hate, that they will make up with later
And there are fresh cut flowers that I grew myself in vases from the yard on nightstands, hand carved by old pals from Big Sur

And the longer I stay here
The more I am sure
But the more I step into becoming a poet
The less I will fall into being with you

The more I step into my poetry
The less I will fall into being with you
The more I step into my poetry
The less I will fall into bed with you
 
"Paradise Is Very Fragile"

Paradise is very fragile
And it seems like it's only getting worse

Down here in Florida
We're fighting red toxic tides
Mass of fish kills
Not to mention hurricanes and rising sea levels

Back in Los Angeles, things aren't looking much better
My treehouse that'd been standing for 80 years succumbed to the woolsy fire

Who would've thought that this year at 33
You would've been taken out from under me
After all those years?

Built from the ground up, by hand, by your very first owner
Quiet world war one, aviation pilot
I tried to save you but the German Shepherd seemed more important

Paradise is very fragile
And it seems like it's only getting worse

Our leader is a megalomaniac
And we've seen that before
But never 'cause it was what the country deserved

My friends tell me to stop calling 911 on the culture
But it's either that or I 5150 myself

They don't understand
I'm a dreamer
And I had big dreams for the country
Not for what it could do, but how it could feel
How it could think, how it could dream

I know
Who am I to dream for you?
It's just that in my own mind
I was born with a little bit of paradise
I was lucky in that way
Not like my husband
Who was born and raised in hell

I always had something gentle to give
All of me, in fact
It's one of the beautiful things about me
It's one of the beautiful things about nature

But lately I've been thinking that I wish
Someone had told me when I was younger
More about the inhabitants that thrive off of paradise

That should they take too much
There would be nothing left to give
Not everyone's nature is golden and green
And you can't fight what's in your nature

I got to thinking about it as
We were fighting the fires in Agora
But I'm tired of fighting you

Paradise is very fragile
And it's only getting worse

And every time I think of that
I think about the curse bestowed about Eve, that fateful eve
She took that bite of fruit from that fruitful tree
And this summer night, you in front of me
Makes me contemplate the origins of good and evil

Because you take and you take and you take and you take
But you taste like the beach and a kiss
Candy from my eyes
In my veins you run citrus

Watercolor images of serpents on orange trees
Arise in my midst
Kundalini, you breathe me
I could do this forever

But my heart is very fragile
And I have nothing left to give
 
"Bare Feet On Linoleum"

Stay on your path Sylvia Plath
Don't fall away like all the others

Don't take all your secrets alone to your watery grave about
Lovers and -

The secrets you keep will keep you in deep like Amy and -
And brother
And all of the people you meet on the street will reiterate lies
That they uttered

Leave me in peace, I cry
In the middle of the night
On a slow boat bound for Catalina for no reason

Tiny drops of perspiration dot my forehead
Could be mistaken for dew drops if this were photo season

But alas this is a real life - and it's been a real fight just to
Stop my mind from committing treason
Why you ask?
Because she told the townspeople I was crazy, and the lies, they
Started to believe them

But anyways - that's all over now

I've moved on, gone scorched earth
And now I'm left wondering where to go from here
To Sonoma where the fires have just left?
South Dakota?

Would standing in front of Mount Rushmore feel like the Great
American homecoming I never had?

Would the magnitude of the scale of the sculptures take the place
Of the warm embrace I've never got

Or should I just be here now
Bare feet on linoleum
Slicing vegetables onto water that I will later turn
Into stew

People love mysteries
People love visions
 
"Chemtrails Over The Country Club"

I'm on the run with you, my sweet love
There's nothing wrong contemplating God
Under the chemtrails over the country club
We're in our jewels in the swimming pool
Me and my sister just playing it cool
Under the chemtrails over the country club

Take out your turquoise and all of your jewels
Go to the market, the kids' swimming pools
Baby, what's your sign?
My moon's in Leo, my Cancer is sun
You won't play, you're no fun
Well, I don't care what they think
Drag racing my little red sports car
I'm not unhinged or unhappy, I'm just wild

I'm on the run with you, my sweet love
There's nothing wrong contemplating God
Under the chemtrails over the country club
We're in our jewels in the swimming pool
Me and my sister just playing it cool
Under the chemtrails over the country club

Meet you for coffee at the elementary schools
We laugh about nothing as the summer gets cool
It's beautiful, how this deep normality settles down over me
I'm not bored or unhappy, I'm still so strange and wild

You're in the wind, I'm in the water
Nobody's son, nobody's daughter
Watching the chemtrails over the country club
Suburbia, The Brentwood Market
What to do next? Maybe we'll love it
White picket, chemtrails over the country club

My love, my love

Washing my hair, doing the laundry
Late night TV, I want you on me
Like when we were kids under chemtrails and country clubs
It's never too late, baby, so don't give up
It's never too late, baby, so don't give up
Under the chemtrails over the country club, yeah
(You're born in December, and I'm born in June)
Under the chemtrails, over the country club, yeah
(You're born in December, and I'm born in June)

My Cancer is sun and my Leo is moon
My Cancer is sun and my Leo is moon
 
"Tulsa Jesus Freak"
(Snippet)

You should stay that close to Jesus
Keep that bottle at your hand, my man
Find your way back to my bed again
Sing me like a Bible hymn
We should go back to Arkansas
Trade this body for the can of Gin
Like a little peace of heaven
No more candle in the wind
You should come back to our place, baby
Don't be afraid of our love
 
"Let Me Love You Like A Woman"

I come from a small town, how about you?
I only mention it 'cause I'm ready to leave LA and I want you to come
Eighty miles North or South will do
I don't care where as long as you're with me and I'm with you and you let me

Let me love you like a woman
Let me hold you like a baby
Let me shine like a diamond
Let me be who I'm meant to be
Talk to me in poems and songs
Don't make me be bittersweet
Let me love you like a woman
Let me hold you like a baby
Let me hold you like a baby

I come from a small town far away
I only mention it 'cause I'm ready to leave LA and I want (need) you to come
I guess I could manage if you stay
It's just if you do I can't see myself having any fun, so

Let me love you like a woman
Let me hold you like a baby
Let me shine like a diamond
Let me be who I'm meant to be
Talk to me in songs and poems
Don't make me be bittersweet
Let me love you like a woman
Take you to infinity
Let me love you like a woman (Let me hold you like a baby)
Take you to infinity
Let me love you like a woman (Let me hold you like a baby)
Take you to infinity

We could get lost in the purple rain
Talk about the good old days
We could get high on some pink champagne
Baby, let me count the waves

Let me love you like a woman
Let me hold you like a baby
Let me shine like a diamond
Let me be who I'm meant to be
Talk to me in songs and poems
Don't make me be bittersweet
Let me love you like a woman
 
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