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Orthodox Christianity Test

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You know you’re *Orthodox if …

1. On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
2. You are more comfortable standing in church than sitting.
3. You can suck/vacuum up the crumbs of bread out of your hand without coughing.
4. You can sing an ison to any song (and you know what an ison is… LOL).
5. Lent to you means peanut butter, tofu, soy, lots and lots of pita bread and hummus, and services at least five times a week.
6. You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
7. You’ve learned to stretch your legs during church without drawing attention to yourself.
8. You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards when you see him on TV.
9. You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you’ll be standing a long, long time.
10. To you, a ‘topless’ gal is one without a headscarf.
11. You took down the little green pine tree air freshner in your truck in lieu of burning myrrh.
12. You spend time figuring out the best way to remove smoke stains from your ceiling and wax from your walls.
13. Before you pray, you say a prayer.
14. You don’t flinch when someone throws water at you.
15. When you first tell people who ask what religion you are, at first they think you’re Jewish. Oy!
16. The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes late and lasts 2 ½ hours — and nobody around you complains.
17. You consider any service two hours or under short/regular.
18. You know that when the priest says, “Let us complete our prayer to the Lord”, there’s still half an hour to go.
19. At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.
20. Your Easter isn’t Easter without an all-night party (featuring 10 dishes of sausage with cheese).
21. Your priest is married.
22. You say everything 3 times out of habit.
23. You can differentiate between the eight different chanting tones.
24. You typically celebrate a feast day by observing strict fasting.
25. You celebrate feast days the night before.
26. You address the City as Constantinople instead of Istanbul.
27. You can say “Lord have mercy” 40 times without making a mistake.
28. You can say “Christ Is Risen”/”Indeed He Is Risen” in at least three languages.
29. You have tournaments of red-egg-cracking on Pascha… And you usually know who’s being a wise-guy with the wooden one.
30. You have multiple priests’ numbers in your cell phone.
31. You sing folk songs in Tone 7 and they still make sense.
32. When your priest comes to bless the house you also ask him to bless the barn, hay loft, chicken coop, dog houses, cow pasture, pig pen, dairy barn, tool yard and the...
33. You’ve grown accustomed to the taste of wine because you’ve had it since you were a baby.
34. You can automatically subtract 13 days from today’s date.
35. You’ve been or plan on going to Jerusalem, or Mount Athos, or Constantinople, or...
36. You could write a book on the symbolism in an Orthodox wedding… during the wedding… because they are just that long.
37. When you go to the movies, you and your spouse sit on different sides of the theatre (and you both feel uncomfortable sitting down in public).
38. You would like to think up two more of these just so that the list would come out to a good Orthodox number like 40.


*Orthodox Christians: Until recently, most scholars agreed that Orthodox Christians didn’t really exist. Like werewolves, fairies and Romanians, they were simply a charming Old World fable designed to delight children with outlandish details regarding the rich, luxurious beards and interminable arguments about the proper interpretation of Greek words. Upon further reflection, some scholars now cautiously hazard the guess that there are roughly 250 million Orthodox Christians in the world, with a lineage stretching back to the earliest days of the Church. As for what these strange, chanting, hirsute folk actually believe, though, no one is yet confident enough to hazard a guess.
 
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Appendix:

1. You have an emergency head scarf in your glove compartment.
2. You know all the take-out restaurants near your place of employment that serve meat-free, dairy-free meals.
3. You think of peanut butter as one of the essential food groups.
4. You think of shrimp as “vegan.”
5. You have developed ways of stretching your legs while standing in place without drawing attention to yourself.
6. You can’t describe your Sunday morning church service to co-workers without using foreign terms.
7. You’ve ever gotten into an argument with somebody about the ingredients in marshmallows.
8. History Channel shows about the Byzantine Empire make you wistful.
9. Sending your misbehaving teenager off to a monastery on a Greek island doesn’t seem like a bizarre idea at all but a very practical one.
10. Bestselling paperbacks containing obscure historical tidbits about the 4th century make you go, “Hey, that’s not the way it happened!”
11. You use “icon” as a verb.
12. You go to a friend’s wedding and wonder why the walls inside the church look so bare.
13. The phrase “let us complete our prayers” doesn’t make you look at your watch.
14. You know which brands of margarine are dairy-free.
15. And buy them.
16. Religious terms like ‘te deum’ or ‘mass’ in a book about pre-revolutionary Russia set your teeth on edge.
17. You think “plagal” means “add 4.”
18. “Old calendar” doesn’t mean “last year’s calendar” to you.
19. You use “ecumenist” as a swear-word, or have had it so used against you.
20. You use “Metropolitan” as a noun. And you don’t mean the car.
21. You automatically do mental arithmetic if somebody mentions a date, or the number of a psalm.
22. You know of two distinct groups of people referred to as “the seventy” and know from context which is meant.
23. Your answer to “Is the Pope Polish?” is “Rome or Alexandria?”
24. You think of chicken as a luxury and shrimp as a staple.
25. “Georgia” makes you think of Tbilisi and not Atlanta.
26. The phrase “both Catholic and Protestant” puts your nose out of joint.
27. You think Rice Krispy™ bars are meat, but clams are not.
 

Sizif

Buduća legenda
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AJDE SAD OVO PREVEDI ILI POZIVAM MODA DA TI ZAKLJUČA TEMU!!! :neutral:
Kako si samo opasan, naročito kad uključiš Caps Lock. :hahaha:

(Treba li da prevedem i "Caps Lock"?)

Ako ne razumeš, ne moraš da učestvuješ u raspravi. Ako želiš da razumeš, idi na Google Translate pa sam prevedi, ili nauči engleski - sad su časovi veoma jeftini. Ne kaže se džaba da čovek vredi onoliko koliko jezika poznaje.
 
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Ово је моје редовно:
1. On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
6. You’re used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
14. You don’t flinch when someone throws water at you
26. You address the City as Constantinople instead of Istanbul.
9. You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you know you’ll be standing a long, long time

Али тхе бест оф:
36. You could write a book on the symbolism in an Orthodox wedding… during the wedding… because they are just that long

:)
 

Владан ИПХ

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27. You can say “Lord have mercy” 40 times without making a mistake.
:lol:
Nisu čuli za srčanu molitvu, izgleda. :mrgreen:
А ти насмејани друже, изгледа ниси чуо да се та молитва назива срдачна(умно-срдачна) молитва.:eek: Али руку на срце, мора се признати да напредујеш, пре осим спама и не знаде за друго. Учи се полако али погрешно:per:. :whistling:
 

gost 133940

Elita
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А ти насмејани друже, изгледа ниси чуо да се та молитва назива срдачна(умно-срдачна) молитва.:eek: Али руку на срце, мора се признати да напредујеш, пре осим спама и не знаде за друго. Учи се полако али погрешно:per:. :whistling:
To što si okinuo na grčkom i staroslovenskom ne znači da si veliki poznavalac bilo čega.

Isusova, iliti srčana molitva je mantra. I ondak, kao i svaka mantra, izaziva srčane smetnje ako se dovoljno ponavlja. Ovo "golicanje srca" međedima je dokaz da su na pravom putu. Kao i leševi koje slikaju na stolici, a onda kuvaju u miru dok meso ne otpadne. :D

http://forum.krstarica.com/album.php?albumid=1596&pictureid=12448
 

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To što si okinuo na grčkom i staroslovenskom ne znači da si veliki poznavalac bilo čega.

Isusova, iliti srčana molitva je mantra. I ondak, kao i svaka mantra, izaziva srčane smetnje ako se dovoljno ponavlja. Ovo "golicanje srca" međedima je dokaz da su na pravom putu. Kao i leševi koje slikaju na stolici, a onda kuvaju u miru dok meso ne otpadne. :D

http://forum.krstarica.com/album.php?albumid=1596&pictureid=12448
Срдачна молитва=мантра???:think: Све промаши и искриви, ето опет си онај стари. а ја мислио да се упалила лампица савести. Биће боље!
 

gost 133940

Elita
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Срдачна молитва=мантра???:think: Све промаши и искриви, ето опет си онај стари. а ја мислио да се упалила лампица савести. Биће боље!
Reči nisu važne. Sasvim je svejedno da li izgovaraš "Hare krišna hare hare" ili "Isuse, pomiluj me grešnog".
Fiziološki efekti su isti. A i verski. Nadaš se da ćeš dosaditi svom bogu, pa će konačno da ti kupi crveni bicikl. :mrgreen:
 

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Reči nisu važne. Sasvim je svejedno da li izgovaraš "Hare krišna hare hare" ili "Isuse, pomiluj me grešnog".
Fiziološki efekti su isti. A i verski. Nadaš se da ćeš dosaditi svom bogu, pa će konačno da ti kupi crveni bicikl. :mrgreen:
Није исто. У мантри се каналише и призива демон, а у Исусовој молитви благодат Господња. Али џаба теби, кад не верујеш.
 

gost 133940

Elita
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Није исто. У мантри се каналише и призива демон, а у Исусовој молитви благодат Господња. Али џаба теби, кад не верујеш.
Džaba i tebi, mada veruješ. Nit ćeš prizvati demona, nit božju blagodat.
Na kraju ćeš imati samo punu šaku umornih prstiju, što reče Čarli Braun. :lol:
 

gost 105733

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Reči nisu važne. Sasvim je svejedno da li izgovaraš "Hare krišna hare hare" ili "Isuse, pomiluj me grešnog".
Fiziološki efekti su isti. A i verski. Nadaš se da ćeš dosaditi svom bogu, pa će konačno da ti kupi crveni bicikl. :mrgreen:

Ako se isihasticka molitva ponavlja monotono,onda moze postati zaista svejedno koje reci se koriste.Pored toga unutar isihasticke molitve se tradicionalno koristio i poseban obrazac disanja 4:4:4:4 (4 brojanja udisaj,cetiri brojanja,zadrzavanje daha, 4 brojanja izdisaj, i onda opet 4 brojanja sadrzavanja daha).Mada se danas retko koristi.Isihasticka molitva je postala deo pravoslavne tradicije delovanjem Grigorija Palame,a i tada je dolazilo do zestokih suprotstavljanja toj novotariji od pripadnika samog svestenstva i monastva tog vremena.
Naime kad se krv spusta do noznih arterija tu postoji jedno racvanje u predelu ispod pupka.Deo krvi se vraca nazad do srca .Taj mehanizam olaksava rad srcu.



Ako se recenica ponavlja na jednolican nacin dolazi do ritmicnog pulsiranja u glavnoj aorti.Narocito ako se doda i jednolicno disanje. Poznato je iz gradjevinskog inzinjeringa da ako grupa vojnika predje neki manji most marsevskim ,rimicnim korakom da se most moze lako srusiti.

Na tu opasnost se upozorava u mnogim pravoslavnim knjigama o molitvi, da se isihasticka molitva ne koristi jednolicno ,i sa velikim brojem ponavljanja,nego kao i svaka molitva--kad se oseti potreba za tim.

Na dalekom istoku gde je ponavljanje mantri i koriscenje jednolicnog disanja stara tradicija,ljudi koji se bave ozbiljno time se pripremaju godinama,kako bi se sacuvali od "sporednih efekata" .Fizickih i nervnih poremecaja.Zanimljivo je da oni koji su koristili isihasticku molitvu nisu imali "vizije" pre koriscenja te molitve.Nije svaka vizija od Boga,moze biti prelest,ali to je vec zasebna tema.:)
 
Poslednja izmena:

gost 133940

Elita
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Koliko sam obavešten, rišćanska verzija takođe podrazumeva veliki broj ponavljanja. Pa se ide od nekog broja dok se ne stigne do hiljada i hiljada. Ovde pomažu brojanice, da se ne zabroji.
Kažu da nakon određenog vremena ni ne možeš da prekineš, jer jezik "toliko navikne da sam nastavlja da prevrće".
 

gost 105733

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Koliko sam obavešten, rišćanska verzija takođe podrazumeva veliki broj ponavljanja. Pa se ide od nekog broja dok se ne stigne do hiljada i hiljada. Ovde pomažu brojanice, da se ne zabroji.
Kažu da nakon određenog vremena ni ne možeš da prekineš, jer jezik "toliko navikne da sam nastavlja da prevrće".
Zavisi koja hricanska verzija.Naime u knijzi "Zlostavljanje uma- nasilje nad ličnošću i sredstva zaštite." objavljenoj 1998. u izdanju Svetigore,koja se bavi metodama koje koriste razne verske sekte se upozorava da je fizioloski efekat isti svejedno da li se koristi monotono ponavljanje molitve ili rec "pita od jabuka".(Korisna knjiga za citanje)
sv.Serafim Sarovski preporucuje "za pocetak" hiljadu molitvi dnevno,onda dve hiljade, dok se ne dodje do 7000 molitvi.Previse je to.
 

gost 105733

Domaćin
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Pa, nije previše ukoliko jako, ali baš jako oćeš novi crveni bicikl. :)
Japanci veruju da ako napravis hiljadu origamija ždrala da će ti se ispuniti svaka želja.Možda tu ima i tog faktora--jakog željenja nečega.
Btw.Ja sam spucao samo par stotina origamija.Do ostvarenja želje me deli još mnogo.Dug je to put.


P.S.
Kome treba crveni bicikl? Oću avto i to neki veliki.:mrgreen:
 

gost 133940

Elita
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Japanci veruju da ako napravis hiljadu origamija ždrala da će ti se ispuniti svaka želja.Možda tu ima i tog faktora--jakog željenja nečega.
Btw.Ja sam spucao samo par stotina origamija.Do ostvarenja želje me deli još mnogo.Dug je to put.


P.S.
Kome treba crveni bicikl? Oću avto i to neki veliki.:mrgreen:
To i kažem. Kad nešto oćeš, ondak oćeš.

Inače, sada ti treba veliki afto. Možda zato što nisi na vreme dobio crveni bicikl? :lol:
 

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