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To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would rather be an
emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings
from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my fist introduction to the, shall we say,
ethics involved with independence an the embracement of your community has proven to be very
true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and
writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when
we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me
the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love an adoration
from the crowd, which is something I totally admire an envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of
you. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm
having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on
stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's
not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I
must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I
need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours,
I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music,
but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in
all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too ******* sad.
The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too
much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is
good and will do her no harm. And That terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't
stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self destructive, death rocker that I've
become. I have it good, very good, and I' grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful
towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have
empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit
of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of
an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out
then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Pleas keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life,
which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
