You might be a physics major if...
you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
you always do homework on Friday nights.
you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
you have a pet named after a scientist.
you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
you can translate English into Binary.
you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
you own and proudly wear a t-shirt with physics quotes on it.
your cat's name is Schroedinger.
you go to Europe and spend the entire time in a lab.
you're an American and you think in metric units.
you have found yourself talking to your laboratory experiments as if they were some of your best friends.
you drool at the sight of a laser.
you have heard, understood and laughed at a joke about Heisenberg.
liquid nitrogen just isn't cold enough.
you've ever quoted one of Newton's Laws to make a point.
you catch yourself pondering angular momentum while you're high.
you understood more than five of these indicators.
you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
A Physics Party
One day, all of the world's famous physicists decided to get together for a party (ok, there were some non-physicists too who crashed the party). Fortunately, the doorman was a grad student, and able to observe some of the guests...
Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.
Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
Cauchy, being the mathematician, still managed to integrate well with everyone.
Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.
Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things, so he split.
Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions on current events.
Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once.
Volta thought the social had a lot of potential.
Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.
Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
Feynman got from the door to the buffet table by taking every possible path.
The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
Van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
Wien radiated a colourful personality.
Millikan dropped his Italian oil dressing.
de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
Hollerith liked the hole idea.
Stefan and Boltzman got into some hot debates.
Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.
Compton was a little scatter-brained at times.
Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.
Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
Faraday had quite a capacity for food.
Oppenheimer got bombed.
The microwave started radiating in the background when Penzias and Wilson showed up.
After one bite Chandrasekhar reached his limit.
Gamow left the party early with a big bang while Hoyle stayed late in a steady state.
For Schrodinger this was more a wave function rather than a social function.
Skorucak wanted to put everybody on his web site.
Erdos was sad no epsilons were invited.
Born thought the probability of enjoying himself was pretty high.
Instead of coming through the front door Josephson tunnelled through.
Groucho refused to attend any party that would invite him in the first place.
Niccolò Tartaglia kept stammering throughout the evening.
Pauling wanted to bond with everyone.
Keynes was keen to question the marginal utility of this party.
John Forbes Nash wanted to play a n-person zero sum game.
Witten bought a present all tied up with superstrings.
The food was beautifully laid out by Mendeleyev on the periodic table.
Riemann hypothesised about who would arrive next; to which Newton retorted, ' hypotheses non fingo.'
Chadwick was handing out neutrons free of charge.
Everyone was amazed at Bell's inequality.
While Fermat sang, 'Save the Last Theorem for me.'
Maxwell's demon argued with Dawkin's friend, the selfish Gene.
Physics Major Pick-Up Lines:
1. Hey baby. It's massive. You know what I'm talking about.
2. What's your resonance frequency?
3. Your lab bench, or mine?
4. Don't you hate it how the coyote always remains suspended in midair until he looks down? It's just SO misleading.
5. Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
6. Wanna couple our equations tonight?
7. I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared.
8. Might I integrate your curves tonight?
9. I'm hung like a Foucault pendulum.
10.Two large masses that are close together are supposed to radiate gravitational waves. I think that you're a big part of that.
11.Einstein had great hair, didn't he? I just love your hair.
12.I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data?
13.I haven't gotten laid in 4 years, 3 months, and 12 days, plus-or-minus 2 days. Would you care to check my error bars?
14.What's that great perfume? Vacuum grease?
15.I love you. Please don't turn away from me just because I'm a physics major. Oh, okay, I'll leave.
16.A freak lab explosion left me with this 16-inch penis.
17.You're more special than relativity.
18.Those other guys said that your eyes shine like stars. But can they explain how they shine with equal brightness? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
19.Top quark or bottom quark?
20.Bartender, bring this fine lady a Scotch and H2O. Hey baby, that's just my way of saying Scotch and Water. You like?
21.That dress would look even better accelerating towards my bedroom floor at 9.8 m/s2
22.Yes I do like to move fast. My style is like a 10 GeV accelerator. Do you like my style?
23.I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass. Wanna see?
24.I have E=nhf tattooed somewhere else. Wanna see?
25.Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
26.Most women are so complex. They're always like"i! i! i!" But you- you're just so real.
27.Let's exchange fermions!
28.Even the O2 you exhale is fiz-ine!!!
29.I might be a physics major, but I'm no Bohr in bed.
30.Can I have your significant digits?
31.Hey baby, what's your sine?
32.Heisenberg was wrong. I'm certain about what you're doing tonight.
33.Wanna expand my polynomial?
34.Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe. No, it's alright, I'll just go over there.
35.You and Me = Grand Unification
36.I saw your empty valence shell from way over there. Did I mention that my nickname is Sodium?
37.My friends told me that I should ask you out because you can't differentiate. Do you need math help?
38.I'll make you dinner. I'll make you breakfast. But in between, we'll have to have some dessert. And I'm a physics major.
39.How much do you charge? My paper-grading job doesn't pay a lot.
40.Your smile is warmer than hydrogen plasma.
41.Engineers don't know the first thing about pleasing a woman. Friction alone can't get the job done.
42.My last partner wasn't very stable. She spontaneously decayed last week and left me for a neutrino. Bitch.
43.I could get you Roahn Winer's autograph.
44.How do you feel about group experiments?
45.I got a pocket full of radium and my homeboys do too.
46.Would a loser be able to recite pi out to 50 decimal places? Huh? Would he? Oh, okay. I'll leave.
47.In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.
48.I swear I'm not a physics major.
49.Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.
50.You make me want to be a better physicist.
, mada je stvarno dobar... i poucan... odnosno, ne treba se praviti mnogo pametan...
