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Shag Ivory

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TRANSLATING THE MALE LANGUAGE

"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, therefore I'm completely clueless."
:)

"Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
:x

"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
:roll:

"It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works."
:D

"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."
:twisted:

"We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
:o

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard," REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
:evil:

"You know how bad my memory is," REALLY MEANS, "I remember the words to the theme song of "F Troop", the address of the first girl I kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Number of every car I've ever owned...but I forgot your birthday."
:x :evil:

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
:lol:

"I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket."
:evil:

"You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on anything else...I'm starving."
:roll:

"I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
:?

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again."
:lol: :lol:

"I don't need to read the instructions," REALLY MEANS, "I am perfectly capable of messing it up without printed help."
:lol:
 

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