Phoebe: Hi! Um, I want to start with a song that's about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is really all about. Okay, here we go. [lights go out] Okay, thank you very much.
*
Ross: You don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy.
Ross: Too easy? Too.... The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms is... is too easy?
Phoebe: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
Ross: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, don't get me started on gravity.
*
Phoebe (singing): Terry's a jerk!
And he won't let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
You're all invited to bite me!
*
Joey: Maybe he's... gay.
Phoebe: Oh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night, and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes, I just, like, definitely felt something.
Rachel: Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?
Phoebe: No, I felt it on my hip. I could tell.
*
Chandler: Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
Chandler: I'll cancel the sodas.
*
Phoebe: Oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
Chandler: I may have.
Monica: Woo-hoo! Stud!
Ross: What's she look like?
Chandler: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the Internet.
Monica: Woo-hoo! Geek!
*
Joey: If the Homosapiens were, in fact, "Homosapien", is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homosapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.
*
Monica: Losers walk!
Ross: Yeah? losers talk!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually, losers rhyme.
*
Rachel: We should definately play football more often. Maybe there's like a league we could join or something.
Phoebe: Isn't there a national football league.
Chandler: Yes, yes there is. They play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Rachel: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights.
*
Leslie: Okay, my next song's called, "Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say? I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldn'ta Left You That Way."
Phoebe: Oh no, one of those look-for-the-hidden-meaning songs.
*
Phoebe: Hey, why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica: Oh, there's banana on it.
Phoebe: Wow. I have the spirit of an old Indian woman living in mine.
Monica: So then you know.
*
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44. When you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
Frank: What, you don't think I know that?
*
Rachel: Joanna, this is my friend, Chandler Bing.
Joanna: Bing! That's a great name.
Chandler: Thanks. It's, uh, Gaelic for "Thy turkey's done."
*
The Director: Here we go, people! Boxing Day! "The Lucille Lortel Theatre", badda badda badda... ah-ha! "Joey Tribianni gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production."
Joey: Yes! Ha ha ha ha!
*
Joey: What kind of profit is that? And you call yourself an accountant.
Chandler: No.
*
Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
*
Kathy:You have really great hair.
Chandler: Well thanks, I grow it myself.
*
Rachel: Chandler, you have the best taste in men!
Chandler: Well, like father, like son.
*
Monica: What the hell just happenned?
Joey: I am so, so sorry. I was gonna do it, really. But then, I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand, and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow, it's been a long time since I had... 327 plus 238 dollars!"
*
Ross: What is Joey's favorite food?
Monica: Sandwiches!
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?
Rachel: 14!
Ross: No, 19.
Chandler: Thanks man.
Ross: Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?
Monica: Maurice.
Ross: Correct. His profession was?
Rachel: Oh! Space-cowboy!
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?
Rachel: Oh! Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers.
Monica: And processing!
Rachel: Oh, well... and he carries a briefcase!
Ross: Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.
Monica: It's, um, it has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh, oh, oh, he's a transpons... transponster!
Monica: That's not even a word!
*
Joey: Whoa, whoa. That... that was just a theory! There's a lot of theories that didn't pan out: Lone gunman... communism... geometry....
*
Chandler: Nope, nope, you're right, it is a ridiculous name!
Joey: It's not that bad.
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
Joey: So, you're just, "Bing?"
Chandler: I have no name.
*
Joey: Come on, Ross! Look, I don't have any brothers; I'm never gonna get to be a best man!
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Joey: I'm never gonna get to be a best man!