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FAREWELL AND RELIEF

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FAREWELL AND RELIEF

As the snow gently paints nature white, I am frozen to the core. The cold, white silence seems to invite me in… I have not had a good night’s sleep since you left. I have cried myself to sleep every night. I have lost interest in absolutely everything.
It is painful to be alive, it is like a job I am doing against my will. All I need is my big sleep. We have touched for the last time. You are long gone, in love with someone else. I now fear nothing but life itself. And I have learned that living is just a slow way to die. I do not believe in life, or in love anymore.
My heart wants to believe that there is true love somewhere, but all my experience tells me otherwise. I envy those who think life is worth living. I myself, feel nothing but resignation. The joy I feel are joys of the emptiness. I hate my self for loving you. But no one but me can be blamed for my actions. Anxiety will not let go of me. I can no longer see any other way out. I have to get rid of these unbearable feelings. They have been with me for too long now. It is up to me. I’m not afraid to die. I am afraid to live. I am afraid of being afraid. What I fear the most is a life in loneliness, and this feeling will not let go. I know I am not alone, but every night this feeling sneaks into my mind. The fear I feel night after night has developed into a disease. No one can see the emptyness in my eyes. To escape life itself now seems the only solution. With relief I look forward to letting go of the pain. Finally there is peace in my soul. To lie dead without a concern. Without a tear. You own my heart, and life withiut you is so immensely painful. Just to think of you, talk about you, dream of you, makes tears stream down my face. I cannot imagine happiness without your beautiful smile, your angelic face, your wonderful body and your good heart. You are everything, I am nothing. I want to die but really, I am already dead.
Never again will I be someone’s mortally beloved. Finally I have realized that you did not love me the way I wanted. I would be wrong to force a love that does not exist. You are truly a good person, and I hope you will have a good life. I thank you for everything. We have shared joys and sorrows, we have laughed and cried together. I have been lucky. Thank you for leaving, I now see the darkness so much clearer. Wherever you are, whomever you are with, you are always in my dreams. In heaven where we belong together. This is the end. I am going. I am leaving now. Good-bye



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Komentari

  1. Luna (avatar)
    Svidja mi se....
  2. Sarayu (avatar)
  3. Scatterbrain (avatar)
    Uuuuf, brate,... dobar si na engleskom! Romantik, ali dobar romantik!
  4. lejla.al.dbuni (avatar)
    "I do not believe in life,or in love anymore.."
    My minds and my heart are always with you: in my life,in my dreams.
    Wait for me dear,I`ll be there..there is no much time to stay for my arrival..
    We are the same..and terrible unknowing dead is for nothing..
    A dead is like a mirracle in another dimension..
    I`ll be there,darling..sun.

    Ps.Thank you,WinterBorn,for this inspiration..
    Ažurirano 06.11.2009. u 22:22, autor: lejla.al.dbuni
  5. Mrs_Sick (avatar)
    Ovo ću uvek čitati kad se osećam sje*ano.
    Jako dirljivo.
  6. Emin@ (avatar)
    We are the same